Ok, so thought as its been nearly a year since I posted on hear it might be time to make a re-appearance!
So... The other day I was reminded of a talk I heard at the cherish conference, 2010, called 'The Long Way Round', after an interesting discussion at cell on 'detours'. Why is it that some people experience instant breakthroughs, healing, seem to reach their destination fairly easily and for others it takes them a long time? There seems to be a long process, full of twists and turns and detours?
I think for me, God has been taking me the long way round. About this time a year ago, I had lots of hopes and plans and aspirations for what I would do and where I would be upto by now. I'd planned to go to Guetemala in the summer, I hoped to have a stable job and to be living independently, amongst other things. Instead, by May my temporary job had finished, I had moved back home with my parents and I was sinking into what I think was some kind've depression(although not as bad as it has been in the past.) I wasn't able to raise the money for Guetemala and ended up withdrawing my place on the mission team.
I felt confused and angry with God and myself. This wasn't 'meant' to happen. I was meant to be sorted. Had anything really changed atall?
Instead I ended up going to Europe, which to be honest, although pretty exciting, seemed completely random. I spent a month away from Christians and church and at times I felt pretty lost. But God had never left me. God started dealing with me and taking me to a deeper level of surrender and trusting Him. I was reminded of the verse in Psalm 139 that say 'where I can go from your presence, if I go to the ends of the earth you are there, your right hand will hold me fast!' I realised again that I don't have all the answers, that things in life sometimes just don't make sense, but that God is in control and sometimes He is painting on a canvas bigger then we can see or understand(Louie gigolo).
Sometimes He takes us the long way round, because He can see that more can be learned and more can be gained that way. That more lives can be impacted and that it's about something bigger than just ourselves. This still doesn't completely make sense to me. But there is such security in realising that maybe I don't need to know yet, maybe God is giving me one piece of the jigsaw at a time and all He is saying is 'trust me' and that that's ok.
There is still a long way to go and still a lot for God to do in me, but its good sometimes to take some time to reflect/re-evaluate things.
God bless, xxxx
