Some more thoughts... What does mental health look like for me.

Firstly... My issues are not who I am. I never want them to define me. But they are something I experience.

Depression has been described as the dark night of the soul. For me... Imagine being really, really tired and not being able to shake that tiredness off. Imagine being tired in every way. Imagine your thoughts being jumbled, confused, out of context. Not knowing where to put things. Imagine seeing life. Seeing happiness and theres a temporary wall that separates you from it. In those moments you can't break through yourself. You feel stuck. You feel trapped. God as much as you love him and are living for him and know his word to be true. In those moments, he feels like a distant memory. Like a distant friend. You feel separated. That is how depression can feel for me.

But a final thought. There is always hope. God has always made a way for me. These moments have less of a hold then they usedto. They are often followed by deep peace and clarity again. God is restoring me. He is redeeming me. So there is always hope.

Christianity and mental health! The great taboo!

So... Mental health! Just wanted to share my thoughts. My wrestlings on this issue.
Firstly it's a tough one and there are no easy answers! I guess I can only attempt to give my own perspective. As someone who has suffered from depression and battled addictions on and off, particularly self harm and occasionally drinking.

I left mercy ministries with perhaps a naive belief that I was completely free and I would never struggle again. While I'm not saying that can't happen and it isn't awesome when it does! What I have come to realise is that, while I am moving forward, life isn't always that simple. What mercy did for me was believe in me and give me the tools to outwork freedom and transformation. So while My relationship with god is great and my life is changing and amazing things have happened. Perhaps controversially, I'm still experiencing depression and battling to overcome old behaviours. I wish this wasn't the case. But that's the reality.

I don't say this to burden anyone who reads this. I know gods got me. I have the support of a gp and councillor and wonderful friends. Just to acknowledge and give some insight into my own experIences.

2011

2011: So much to say about this year, good and bad. What can I say? I guess it feels like a year of paradoxes to me. A year of change and breakthrough, contrasted with many trials, many questions without answers as Tim Hughes would say. A year of falling apart. But realising that in the falling apart God can rebuild, remake, restore and heal. I have got to know Jesus in a way I never have be for. He is my personal saviour, my best friend, my redeemer and restorer. Sometimes it takes something desperate, a Hannah moment(1samuel) for change and breakthrough. I have faced many battles, spiritually and emotionally.

I came to the decision a few weeks ago to start fasting and praying. It has been so worthwhile. I have never heard god speak so clearly to me and have never been so close to him. As a wise Christian lady once said to me. It is ok to fall apart with Jesus.

So looking to 2012. I am expectant. I am hoPeful. I don't think it will be without trials. The world can be a dark, dark place. But Jesus is the light of the world and nothing can put that light out. Nothing can separate us from the love of god in chest Jesus our lord!